Make a Decision
In the past six months, God has been challenging me to stretch, grow and step out of my comfort zone in big ways. I'm not talking about starting-a-new-eating-plan or befriending-a-new-coworker type of stretching...I'm talking about leaving-your-job-for-the-great-unknown type of stretching. (You can listen to more about that story, called FOCUS, here.)
Part of that stretching led me to the opportunity to speak at a teen girls camp in the mountains of California, followed by attending a 2-day retreat with the purpose of reflection, refreshment, and new friendships in the mountains of Colorado. I'm an extrovert by nature, but painful past relationships have caused me to swing in one of two directions: insecurity (how I feel about myself) or anxiety (how they feel about me). In a crowd, where no one knows me, I have no problem being the loudest voice in the room. However, when there is a small group and the conversation has any merit, my inner introvert appears.
Speaking at Camp and attending this retreat were no exceptions.
Don't get me wrong--the overall experiences were awesome. I truly enjoyed myself during the waking hours! I was challenged and stretched in many, MANY ways. But, when night came and I was alone in my room, I hardly slept because I replayed what I perceived as "awkward moments" over and over again in my mind. I'm very familiar with the taste of my own foot, if you know what I mean!
A few days after I returned home from the second trip, I sat in church and reflected on my weeks prior during worship. Why do I get excited to go on grand God-adventures in the beginning but then return home battle-scarred and feeling defeated? Why do I think I can do hard things, only to turn around and berate myself when I try?
You've heard it said, "Where there is no risk, there is no reward."
Why do I feel comfortable to speak out in a crowded room full of strangers? Because they are strangers who will likely never see me again--there is no risk. But in a smaller room, or in a room where God has placed me to share His message, the risk looms large. But...so does the reward. And the reward has always been worth it. Every time. No exceptions.
So, today I made a decision. I decided that as long as God places me somewhere, I will be all-in.
No more insecurity, no more anxiety. The only direction I need to go is the direction in which God has called me. The risk and fear of rejection has no place in the life of someone who has been eternally accepted by The King of Glory.
"I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you—" Joshua 1:3